New Workout Mix!

My friend DJ DOLO has made another excellent mix... this one is exactly one hour long so the perfect length to get through a miserable treadmill session.

DJ Dolo's Get Right For The Summer Workout Mix

Happy Mother's Day!

My mom told my brother she wanted a lemon tree for Mother's Day. And she made sure to specify that she wanted one with a lot of lemons on it since apparently they only produce once a year.

Be careful what you ask for....

I'm not a complete asshole... I really did get her a lemon tree. But I didn't give it to her for a couple hours.

Probably my most hilarious mother's day gift ever. I'm pretty proud of myself.

And Dirky got me a Mother's Day gift! The incredibly talented Jimmy Ellis Art painted this... I have one of Elle drinking a martini in my living room. Can't wait to get Dirk framed and placed next to her.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas, babymommas, mommas to be, and mommas who wanna be!

Are you happy?

This morning a friend posted a Facebook about finding happiness after his divorce... Not necessarily my cup of tea for a Facebook status (My last FB status was about Charles Ramsey/Sweet Brown/Antoine Dodson), but one of the comments really made me stop and think... 

"Happiness is merely the frosting on a meaning/purpose cake. Happiness is fleeting, situational, and usually self-focused. Ask the bigger questions and make happiness a gift, not the goal."

Thank you, random Internet stranger, for that food for thought. 

Cancer/New Baby/Hospital Meals

Howdy all! Long time no talk. 

A few months ago (omg it was actually six months ago how did that happen?!) I told you that my mom had been diagnosed with cancer again and was having surgery/chemo/radiation. I am thrilled to update and let everyone know that her latest scans came back clear and it looks as if they got all of the cancer, for the third time. We're all feeling very lucky and grateful. 

One of the things we have been so grateful for is something that I've discussed with my friend Courtney, so we decided to do a little collaboration to write blog posts. Courtney's daughter Brenna was born in December 2011 with Harlequin Ichthyosis, a very rare skin disease, and spent a lot of time in the hospital right after her birth and at several other times through her first year of life.  After Brenna was born they had a lot of people reaching out asking how they could help and what they could do to make life easier for a family with a baby in the NICU and a toddler at home so Courtney and I wanted to write about the great things that people did as far as bringing food over to help out, hopefully giving some ideas. 

So, after you check out Courtney's blog and read up about ichthyosis, hopefully you can use these posts as a good resource if you have a friend/family member who is experiencing any sort of long-term hospitalization or something like chemo/surgery that puts them down and out for any amount of time. 

I asked my mom for her tips/thoughts and this is what she shared with me:

"To anyone that's going to be needing meals for any extended amount of time, I'd suggest getting a cooler and some ice and putting it out on your porch.  Let your friends know it's there, and if you don't feel up to visitors, or can't be home to receive it, it makes one more task easier.  We have some great and creative friends that have taken very good care of us.  We never had any kind of sign up where they listed what they would be bringing, but I have heard of some that do.  We did go through a run of pork tenderloins (all were great!) but it took me a long time to want to eat one after I was well.  Also, if at all possible, try to put in plastic or disposable pans so that they don't have to be returned.  One more "job" to avoid it you can. 
 
Some meals that stick out in my mind...First, Grandma Campbell's fabulous spaghetti sauce.  Homemade, fantastic.  She shared her recipe with us and it has become a staple in our house ever since.  Some meals I would have never in a million years thought of making, i.e., homemade chicken pot pie, but again, it was fabulous.  Some unexpected treats were when friends brought dinner, and then included muffins or breakfast breads, and fruits and juices for breakfast as well.  A friend brought a wonderful cold shrimp and pasta salad over for dinner on a Friday night during Lent.  Some friends brought us a meal that they picked up at a restaurant that was happily received.

I never had a true aversion to any particular food while going through Chemo.  I used to joke with my docs that thanks to the steroids, I gained weight steadily while going through chemo.  So, I guess on that note, it would be nice to get a meal that is actually a little heavy on vegetables, and less heavy on the meat covered in cheese.  One friend brought us a ton of food, and included in it was a batch of homemade granola to snack on.  YUM!

I've had friends bring meals, and after having a particular thing that really tasted great, I asked for the recipe.  One friend brought homemade ginger snap cookies that were so good.  I asked for the recipe and after ignoring me, eventually told me she doesn't share her recipes.  WHY???  I think that is so crazy!

I am also lucky to be blessed with some very spiritual friends.  One friend brought me a box.  Just a pretty box covered in fabric that you can buy at any craft store.  She told me it was my "joy box".  She told me to put all of my cards and notes from friends in that box, and any time I was feeling down to open up the box and go through it and know how many people care about me.  Many years later, this still touches my heart.  And friends that have given my personal items of theirs to have while going through this, Medals that are of great significant meaning to them, that they were even willing to part with, for me to wear and protect me."

And of course after my mom mentioned wanting something heavier on vegetables and not meat/cheese,  I'm going to re-link to my favorite cancer/new baby/sick people meal - Chicken Spaghetti. It's delicious, it freezes and re-heats well, everyone seems to like it. It's not diet friendly though, whoops!

People almost always would bring WAY too much food. Even when my brother was still living at home. So it's nice when it's something that freezes/reheats well and we can eat it more than one day/for lunches. One of the best things that people did a lot of was any type of casserole that is easily portioned out in to single servings. Stuffed chicken breasts and stuffed peppers are two things that come to mind as having been delicious and easy to separate out into lunches for the next day. Or to send over to my grandparents... my mom normally cooks dinner for my grandparents 4+ nights a week, so when she was going through chemo that's two extra people who weren't getting meals that they were used to. I know they really appreciated when they got food too!

Another great thing - salads without the dressing on them. People made a lot of salads and would just bring a bottle of dressing over, so if you didn't eat the whole thing or if someone wants ranch and someone wants a vinaigrette, everyone can enjoy it. A lot of the time my mom's friends would bring meals over on chemo days, and you just never know how that day of chemo is going to go. Sometimes the nurses are taking longer than usual and you get home later than you planned. Sometimes my mom would get home and just feel like crap and want to take a nap for a couple of hours before eating anything... if you've brought anything like a salad with dressing on it it will get soggy and might not be any good by the time someone gets around to eating it.

Something that only probably applies to cancer patients going through chemo - one of my mom's crappy side effects was that she got a gross taste in her mouth. She seemed to really like iced tea on the week after chemo, so any time someone would bring a jug of iced tea from Sonic she really loved that! I've heard of some people also liking lemonade or something similar, so if you were to check in to ask if there is something that someone is really craving, I know they'd love it if you brought that. Similarly, it might be nice to check and make sure if someone has any aversions to something... but for the most part we were just so glad to have meals brought over and none of us are picky eaters so people just made their favorites and we loved it.

I'd love it if you have written a blog post on anything similar if you would share the link in the comments for people who read this and are looking for more ideas on what to cook or what to do when someone you care about is facing a long term illness or hospitalization and you'd like to help out!

14 months old!

Dirk is 14 months old today!
He is handsome and hilarious and gets in a lot of trouble... He loves to lay in the sunshine and watch basketball, so we get along swimmingly.
Hard to believe he has only been in my life for a year now, seems like so much longer than that.
A month ago he weighed 135 lbs, which was up 11 pounds from the month before. I don't think he's put on that much this month but he is definitely a BIG BOY.

Follow the Crowd

As I'm sure you noticed, today a whooooole bunch of people changed their facebook pictures to some variation of the equality sign in order to show support for marriage equality as the Supreme Court is hearing arguments in a couple of cases that have to do with marriage equality.

I'm not going to get in to the actual issue, because I'm pretty sure everyone in the entire world knows my position on that, and I'm not going to get into the constitutional arguments because I'm sure as hell not a constitutional scholar, but I'll explain why I followed the crowd and changed my facebook picture to the red equality symbol.

(Oh - and for those of you who didn't know what it means - that's it. Support for marriage equality. The equal sign is the Human Rights Campaign's symbol for equality, painted RED to show support for LOVEEEEE/marriage equality).

Now I'll be admit - I'm the first person to make fun of people who buy pink shit for Susan G. Komen or who changed their profile pictures to some cartoon to support child abuse awareness or whatever that was about a couple years ago.
But this is different... first of all - I'm pretty sure everyone and their mother is aware of breast cancer. We've got plenty of awareness. Not to mention all of the other issues with Susan G. Komen. And there certainly isn't a huge contingent of citizens who are in favor of cancer or child abuse.

Second of all - does me changing my profile picture make a difference to the Supreme Court? No. Of course not. But that isn't the point. The point is to show that I am an ally and that I support marriage equality. Why is that important? Because there are a lot of people who don't. There are a lot of people who vehemently oppose marriage equality. Who believe that LGBTQ members of society are second class citizens who aren't deserving of equal protection under the law. There are people whose friends don't support them. Whose own mothers don't believe they should be allowed to get legally married. 

My friend Anthony posted this today:

And another comment from my friends post that I couldn't fit into the screen shot but that I think sums everything up pretty well:

I've seen the same from a lot of classmates from grade/high school back in Nebraska... nothing has made me smile more than watching it spread all morning to the non gays on my friend list - It truly is the Harvey Milk theory and movement... Why should you wear red? Change your profile pic to the red Human Rights campaign logo? This is why:

According to the CNN/ORC International survey, 57% say they have a family member or close friend who is gay or lesbian, up 12 points from 2007. Also, the number of Americans who support same-sex marriage has risen by almost the same amount over the same period - from 40% in 2007 to 53%.

A concept championed by the late Harvey Milk and one that is still relevant today...it is harder to discriminate against someone you know. So wear red and wear it proud.

So maybe you don't think it means anything, and it doesn't make a difference, but I can tell you that I know of someone to whom it does. And maybe the 21 year old college student I went to grade school with will see his facebook profile full of support for equality and finally get the courage to come out to his friends. So yeah, even though Scalia has yet to accept my friend request, I still think it's important to show my support, and it does make a difference.

Dreamer

Last night I had a dream that someone from the Board of Law Examiners called me to ask why I hadn't answered an entire booklet of essay questions.

I also dreamed that my brother decided not to move to Denver for a new job because the University of New Mexico offered him a scholarship to play football and he decided to take that instead. What the hell...

Do you remember writing this report? No.

A few weeks ago, I went to watch an attorney friend in action… she gave me a heads up as to when the most interesting witnesses would be on trial and I was able to watch a few hours of testimony.

Obviously I think everything that I do is great, and you should strive to be more like me, so let me tell you why this is a great idea. (kidding, duh).

First of all, because I’ve never been to that courthouse before, and now I at least know where it is.  I was able to find the building and get a feel for the general layout of the building/area, which I know will be helpful just in case I ever have to go back there for work. I have been to tons of courthouses – they are all different. They all have different procedures for parking, for attorney entrance, about whether or not you can bring a cell phone in, etc.  It can be nervewracking showing up for the first time if you’ve been in traffic and don’t know exactly where you’re going or which security line you go through. If you’ve never met your client/their family and are unfamiliar with the case, it can be barftastic. I am all about doing whatever I can to familiarize myself with what to expect.

Second – I have never observed another attorney and not learned something. I only watched this trial for a few hours, but I definitely think I learned a few things. One of things I observed is the importance of knowing when to stop when you’re questioning a witness. I thought at one point during the cross-examination of a witness, one of the attorney’s had done a great job of driving home a point to the jury, but he kept going and asking more questions. I’m pretty sure he was just trying to clarify his point to the jury, but I thought it ended up making him look like a bully who was picking on a witness for not being as smart as him. If I had been the one questioning I probably would have kept going, but since I had the benefit of being able to watch the attorney, the witness, and the jury all at the same time, I was able to see how the jurors reacted to the additional questions.

Not just trials though… even sitting in a courtroom for an hour during the 9:00 call to see how a judge runs their courtroom can be helpful.

A personal observation/reflection – I have a lot of work to do as far as listening instead of speaking (I know you’re all shocked). I am not very good at that. Silence makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like I need to fill the silence by talking, whether it’s to ask another question or to re-phrase the question I’ve already asked. It is HARD to sit and be silent and let a witness answer a question.

Also, I am so so bad about using filler words... I need to strike “like” “okay, so…” etc. from my vocabulary.

Finally, I learned that no matter how prepared you are for a trial/witness/direct examination/cross examination, anything can happen.

A paraphrase of direct examination of a witness:

Attorney:  "Do you remember showing up to this address?"

Witness:   "No I don't"

Attorney: "Okay, if I showed you your report, would that refresh your memory?"

Witness:   "Nope."

Attorney: "Do you remember writing this report?"

Witness: "No"

Attorney: “That’s your signature on the bottom of the report, correct?”

Witness: “Yeah”

Attorney:  "Do you remember talking to me on the phone about this report?"

Witness:   "No I do not. I remember when you came by to show me some pictures."

Attorney: "No, we've never met in person before today. We spoke on the phone. I never showed you any pictures.”

And my friend had spoken to the witness at least 5 times before trial about the report. He had given useful information about what he observed at the scene, and zero indication that he would be a completely worthless witness at trial. WHAT THE HELL. I would be so furious. She just had to do her best with what he was giving her and try to get any information out of him that she can, but things don't always go according to plan.

I kind of hate the phrase “shaking my head”, but seriously all I could do with this guy was shake my head. And that is why if you’re going to try a case to a jury you have to be able to think on your feet and handle any bizarre situation that may happen, because no matter how much you prepare you can’t account for what some bozo is going to say on the stand. SMH.

Thoughts about Guns

Guns are always a hot topic. In the past few months, it feels as if it's come up more than ever before. It always evokes such crazy emotions from people on either side of the debate. I used to think I knew where I stood on gun ownership and gun control. I guess I still do, but I certainly don't think of it as such a simple issue anymore.

.I grew up in a household with guns - but only hunting rifles (I guess that's what you'd call them, I don't claim to know a lot about guns, although I'd definitely like to learn more). I think I remember knowing that they were stored on a top shelf of the garage in the house we grew up, but I can't remember for sure. I know my dad still has some, but I couldn't tell you where they are, or if they're loaded.
And not that it's really relevant - but I have never touched a gun.

A few years ago my brother was awoken in the middle of the night by a burglar holding a gun in his face as he was asleep in his bed. Pretty much THE EXACT SITUATION you think about when you think of why a person might want to have a gun.... So if someone comes into your house in the middle of the night and you're sleeping, you can protect yourself.

My brother didn't have a gun then. He still doesn't now. He hunts fairly frequently, but as far as a handgun for personal protection, he doesn't have one. I don't know why. We've never spoken about the incident. I have an alert from the federal prisons bureau set up to send me an email any time the guy who held my brother up at gunpoint in his bedroom has a change in custody status, and I forward it to him, but we've never talked about it. It was traumatic. He told the prosecutors he didn't want to testify at trial, and thankfully he didn't have to.
So why doesn't my brother have a gun now? Well, I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess it has to do with the fact that even if he had kept a loaded gun in the top drawer of his nightstand, he didn't even hear anyone enter his home until he was literally staring down the barrel of the gun. There was no time to grab a gun and "protect".  While I appreciate the sentiment of being able to protect oneself, I often wonder how much time there really is in these sorts of situations to grab your weapon... especially if you're a woman and keep it in your purse. I can't find my wallet in under 30 seconds, how quickly am I going to be able to fish out a handgun from my satchel?

So what happened with my brother? He gave the guy his laptop and his ipod and all his cash, and the guy left. The police arrested the guy, his friends who were with him, and the girl who was driving the car for them. The guy is in prison, and everyone has moved on with their lives.

What would have happened if my brother had had a gun? Well... who the hell knows.
Maybe he would've grabbed it and shot first. Then my brother would be in a position to defend himself in court for murder. Sure, it's self defense, but you've got to prove it. And yeah, in theory he should never be charged with murder because the police should realize right away it was self defense, but do you really want to trust the police to make that decision? I sure as hell don't.

What if they had shot at each other? Maybe they'd both be dead.

I frequently take an interest in cases that the media is covering. Just as many people all over the world have found themselves interested in the Oscar Pistorious case, I've been fascinated with the whole thing. I don't know if he murdered his girlfriend. I don't know if he thought there was an intruder in his bathroom and that the police would not have come to his rescue. But what I DO know is that if he did not have a gun, she wouldn't be dead.

Am I saying I would never have a gun? Hell no. Am I saying that people shouldn't? NO.
But what I AM saying is that I just wish that people would take it a little more seriously. The relationship that Americans seem to have with their guns terrifies me.  

Every time I see someone on twitter or facebook talking about how they have their gun with them to run to the grocery store or pick up their kids from school and they wouldn't hesitate to "bust a cap" in someone who attacked them or "pow pow I'm armed", I just find myself totally floored. I get it that it's your right to carry a weapon, but the attitude towards it terrifies me.

And don't even get me started on the people who were posting that the Chicago teachers who were striking needed to stop being lazy and get their overpaid butts back to work, but when Sandy Hook happens, they're the first ones to post that teachers should be armed. So you want to give guns to the lazy, overpaid, underworked public school teachers, and that's going to solve the problem?? OOOOOKIE DOKIE THEN. 

The attitude that so many people seem to have like "oh well if someone attacks me I'll just shoot them down and that'll be fine." ... WHAT?!  A GUN IS A DEADLY WEAPON. And you have a right to have one. Especially in the case of people who live in high crime areas where police response is notoriously crappy and there are gangs on the corners and break-ins are normal (South and West sides of Chicago, I'm looking at you), I absolutely believe that people in those situations have a right to have one. But that attitude that it's not big deal to shoot someone... I just can't with all that.

NPR has had some really great stories lately on guns, I wish I could remember when I was listening to one that I heard... basically a woman talked about how she felt as if she HAD to purchase a gun to protect her family after a series of robberies and burglaries in her neighborhood, but how she hoped and prayed that she never had to use it.
And I sat there thinking, THANK YOU. You are someone who should have a gun. And who can. Because you don't think it's a cute accessory that makes you some sort of badass. You recognize the likelihood that at sometime you may find yourself in a HORRIBLE situation where you need a deadly weapon to protect your family.

 So maybe someday I'll have a gun. I hope I don't ever live in a neighborhood or a home where I feel like I need one, but who knows. I just hope if I ever live in that neighborhood or home and own a gun, that I don't forget that it's a deadly weapon that ends lives, and not something to tweet pictures of.

Texas Bar Exam - DUNZO!

So happy to be done.

Random Day 3 Thoughts:

- The girl next to me left with 30 minutes left in the AM session and never returned... meaning that she took 80% of the exam over 2.5 days only to get an automatic fail. What the hell? At least stick it out so they grade the shit you did take and you can figure out what to work on for next time.

- It is really nice to know what topics to expect on the Texas essays (Texas has 12 essays. and they tell you how many and what general topic they're going to test... Illinois has 9 essays over 19 possible topics. It REALLY SUCKS to study stuff and know it well and not be able to get any points for it). Also - 90 minute break between morning and afternoon sessions means I had 90 minutes to go back to my car, wolf down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and go over the remaining topics for the afternoon essays. Obviously I didn't learn anything new but I liked being able to use the time productively and refresh my tired brain. (If I don't blog about this at some point in the near future someone remind me to write a post about taking two different bar exams, preparation, etc.

- 3 days is actually not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean yeah it sucks, don't get me wrong, but I thought I'd be a zombie. I'm not sure if it's because I'm an "adult" now who gets up early in the morning and has productive days, vs. a law student with no real schedule, or if it's because I've taken the bar exam three times before, but I don't feel like I could die at any moment right now.

- I have now taken the bar exam four times, passing once. I am still amazed that I ever passed, or that anyone can pass. What a ridiculous, arbitrary, and expensive hazing ritual that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.  

- As Dr. Juris said today: "by my estimation, only about 5 percent of the women present were wearing something they hadn't slept in" ... she's right. Seriously what the hell is that about? I'm not saying you shouldn't be comfortable, or that you need to put on a full face of makeup, but COME ON. At least bathe. I thought this was Texas?!  Oh and it's not just the ladies, don't get too excited. Dudes in sweatpants/gym shorts - really?
You're so stressed out/anxious about a test that you can't be bothered to bathe or run a comb through your hair? Yeah, you're going to be a great lawyer. Please, send me your resume. I'd love to hire you.  /s