The End

Today, April 30th, is the last day of what has been the worst month of one of the very worst years of my relatively short life.... as tomorrow is my birthday.

One year ago I sat at my 25th birthday dinner with my lovely friends and when it was time to "make a wish", I couldn't even think of anything to wish. I was happy, surrounded by people I love, and getting ready to graduate from law school, take and pass the bar exam, and start the career I'd been waiting my entire life to start.

My how things change.

Tonight I'm going to dinner with Dr. J and roommate Kevin. There will be no wishes, because it would probably take me 27 hours to get through a list of things I wish for my 26th year of life.
I'm also not dare going to say "things can only get better from here, right?!", because every time I say that something really shitty happens, and I'm afraid of what could be next.
Tomorrow I'm doing a birthday brunch and Sunday Funday with a group of friends.
So I will eat a lot of food, drink a lot of drinks, and enjoy the time with some of the people I love, and be SO very glad that I made it through this year alive. It was questionable at times.

Also - wow. I have an incredible skill that allows me to make a post about my birthday depressing.

In summary - PEACE OUT April. Not sad to see you go.

Cubbies

Monday night I went with a friend to see the Cubs play the Rockies. All around Wrigley there are buildings that have rooftops that look down in the field. You can buy a rooftop ticket with unlimited booze, food, etc.and watch the game from there. Turned out this was the only tolerable way to see the Cubs (lose) on Monday, since it was 40 degrees and pouring rain and we watched from the comfort of the indoors!

We did venture outside for approximately 1 inning, where I snapped this shot of The Friendly Confines. 

And then we went back inside for more beers and fro yo with all sorts of toppings. Yum. 

The highlight of the evening was when we were standing at a table housing our frozen yogurt when my friend overhears this girl say to her friend:
"are they seriously wearing heels at a baseball game?"


And then she looked down under the table to see that we're in flat boots and says "oh, nevermind".

No bitch, we're just huge. Lay off.

Dallas in pictures

Despite only being there for about 40 hours, I had a great trip to Dallas this weekend! And thoroughly enjoyed the 90 degree weather and Elle time.

A few pictures of my Elleybaby, since she's just so pretty! haha

Saturday afternoon we gave Elle and Satin baths and after their baths they got marrow bones... 

VERY HAPPY GIRLS!

My mom said she hates this pic, but I love it... Big ole elley nose

Elle helping me get ready Saturday night... 

And of course on Sunday Elle helped my mom with deviled egg preparation...

Elle is VERY HELPFUL!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

MURPH DAY, aka I've lost my mind.

So I started CrossFit in December.
It's an asswhipping, the members are like cultmembers, and I freaking love it.

I am going to sign up for "Murph Day" at my CrossFit gym.
This means on June 4th, I will be joining a bunch of other mentally insane people and doing the CrossFit workout "Murph", which is

For time: 

1 mile run

100 pull ups

200 push ups

300 squats

1 mile run

I've absolutely lost my mind, right?
I can't do pull ups yet, so I'll either modify that part of the workout by doing ring rows or using bands to help me get my ass up over the bar.

The "entrance fee" is a donation to the Navy Seal Foundation.
Per the crossfit website: The workout ("Murph") is named in memory of Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y., who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005.  This workout was one of Mike's favorites and he'd named it "Body Armor".  We will honor a focused warrior and great American who wanted nothing more in life than to serve this great country and the beautiful people who make it what it is.


It's going to be an ass kicking, I won't be able to walk the next day, and I'm SUPER EXCITED ABOUT IT!

I think this means I've bought in to the CrossFit cult, huh?

Easter Weekend

Howdy everyone!
Hope everyone had a great week... I have been crazy busy. I usually work at the law firm MWF but worked every day this week since the girl who works Tu-Th was out of town. And I've recently started babysitting a couple of a days a week for the kids of a woman I met at CrossFit, so I've been doing that too! Not mad though... love staying busy and the extra money is much needed! I have some funny posts planned about the kids - they're a riot.

As a little "your life sucks right now but you're working hard and it will get better because it can't suck forever" present I bought myself two pairs of Kendra Scott earrings. They're out for delivery now so they should be waiting for me on Monday!

Danielle Earrings in bright pink jade

And the Tavi Stud earring in Smoky Gray

(photos from Kendra Scott website)

(sign up for the mailing list for a 20% off coupon!)

I'm loving big earrings lately and Megan has convinced me that she's obsessed with her Danielle earrings in multiple colors so I'm sure I'll love mine!

I'm off to Dallas for a quick 48 hour trip to see the family and Miss Elle Woods for Easter... I'm sure I'll have plenty of pictures next week!

Show Suggestions!

My mom is coming to visit in a couple weeks. We're going to do the Ovarian Cancer 5k in Chicago (any Chicago friends care to join us? the more the merrier!) and probably go see a show. 


I don't go see many shows, and was never one of those theater type kids. I've seen Wicked (pretty good, but really long and I have ADHD), Legally Blonde the Musical (DUH you know I loved it), and Jersey Boys (LOVED x 2). 


SO - here are the options:


"Spring Awakening" 

The winner of 8 Tony Awards, including Best Musical - told by Duncan Sheik and Steven Sater through "The most gorgeous Broadway score this decade" (Entertainment Weekly) - SPRING AWAKENING explores the journey from adolescence to adulthood with poignancy and passion you will never forget. The landmark musical SPRING AWAKENING is an electrifying fusion of morality, sexuality and rock & roll that is exhilarating audiences across the nation like no other musical in years. Join this group of late 19th century German students on their passage, as they navigate teenage self-discovery and coming of age anxiety in a powerful celebration of youth and rebellion in the daring, remarkable SPRING AWAKENING. "Broadway may never be the same again!" NY TIMES 




"Next To Normal"

From the director of Rent comes the most talked about new show on Broadway, NEXT TO NORMAL, winner of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Drama and three 2009 Tony Awards including Best Score. Alice Ripley who received the 2009 Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical, will reprise her acclaimed performance in Chicago. Having been chosen as "one of the year's ten best" by major critics around the country, NEXT TO NORMAL is an emotional powerhouse of a musical with a thrilling contemporary score about a family trying to take care of themselves and each other. The New York Times calls NEXT TO NORMAL "a brave, breathtaking musical. A work of muscular grace and power. It is much more than a feel-good musical; it is a feel-everything musical." Rolling Stone raves, "It is the best musical of the season by a mile. It'll pin you to your seat."




K so who has seen either one? Tell me which one we should see!

Stress

My mom sent me this this AM and I thought it was worth sharing... and something I'm trying to take to heart.

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'..... she fooled them all... "How heavy is this glass of water?", she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."


"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.

So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... pick them up tomorrow.


Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"

Catching up with law school friends on g-chat

Classmate: "Wanna hear something crazy? I'm the boss now. Well not like the main boss, I have a boss, but I have underlings."

Me: "Dude that's awesome!"

Classmate: "Yeah, but I'm not doing a very good job. I'm sleeping with my intern."

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

The time when the boots and coats and scarves and long underwear and earmuffs get put in to storage....

and replaced with beach towels and coolers and grill materials and bathing suits.

Despite the fact that it's a pretty chilly 43 degrees in Chicago today, I am officially declaring that SPRING HAS SPRUNG.

Decisions Made

I've done a lot of thinking since April 1, and after a lot of discussions and tears and soul searching I've decided to go ahead and take the Illinois bar exam again in July.

I was pretty close to passing this time, so I'm gonna try a new program of study and get this damn thing taken care of this time. Obviously there were a lot of factors that went in to my decision that don't need to be re-hashed here. 

Of course I am absolutely SICK at the thought of losing another summer to studying for the freaking bar exam. I went through and looked at my calendar yesterday and I have a TON of stuff going on in June and July - (weddings, gay pride, best friends out of town bachelorette party) in addition to the regular Chicago summer stuff: street fests, pool, beach, Cubs games, drinking on patios, etc. 
Not gonna lie, I basically want to cry when I think about spending beautiful days in the library. Studying in January and February still sucked, but it was at least 100 times better than studying in June and July.
So my plan is to get ahead and start studying in May so that I don't have to miss out on everything, although I realize I'll be missing a bunch. 

How Well Do You Know Me?

Loved reading your answers to Friday's posts.

Those of you who said "B" are correct. I only ever got in trouble for reading books at the dinner table! And even then, saying that I got in trouble is a stretch... my parents just constantly had to tell me to stop.

I was a boring and well-behaved high schooler. I worked and played basketball and was on Student council and did the bare minimum to earn decent grades (sound familiar?).
I think I more than made up for it in college though (and I gained the 25 lbs to prove it... Ooof!).

Happy Monday a late blooming party girl (ha!)

How well do you know me?

As a child/ teenager - Did I get in trouble for:

A - sneaking out of the house to party

B - reading books at the dinner table

C - failing to complete homework

D - breaking curfew

E - making bad grades

F - all of the above


Leave your answer in the comments.

Winner gets to comment on my first blog post in seven days that isnt about the bar exam/being depressed. Loser also gets that. You're welcome.

Texas Bar Exam

So my Texas bar exam application is basically finished... of course whether or not I'll be able to take the bar in July is still up in the air.
As I mentioned earlier this week,  the deadline for the application to take the bar was March 30th. Of course on March 30th I was still planning on passing the Illinois bar exam and becoming employed in Illinois. HA.

I have spoken to two people at the Texas Board of Law Examiners... one basically told me I'm shit out of luck and to join in the "festivities" in February of 2012 (not even joking, he literally referred to the bar exam as "festivities"), and another told me that there is a waiver you can apply for that will waive the deadline and let you apply later than the late deadline, and if you're approved you can take the July bar exam.
OF COURSE they don't evaluate the waivers until after the bar exam results go out in May, which is after the deadline for the Illinois bar exam in July.

So basically I had to hit my parents up for even more money so I can pay to take BOTH the Illinois bar exam and the Texas bar exam in July, and then we'll see which one I end up taking.

Anyone who has filled out a bar exam application knows what a colossal pain in the ass they are... listing every address and employer for the past 10 years, plus any run ins with the law, any unpaid debts, and a gazillion character references.
Luckily it wasn't too big of a pain this time around since I just printed off my Illinois application and went through and re-typed everything in to the Texas application.
However there is one major difference in the Illinois and Texas applications - Texas requires a certified copy of your birth certificate to accompany your application. Of course I don't just have one laying around, who the hell does? So I have ordered one and placed a note in my application that my birth certificate has been ordered and I will forward it to them as soon as I receive it.

Of course the note I WANTED to put in the application was

"Until Obama shows his birth certificate, I'm not showing mine."

I mean it IS Texas, after all. ;)

Ouchies

This is my friends dog, Roco. He hurt his leg this week and has to be pulled around in a red wagon when he has to go outside to potty until it heals. He just looks totally miserable, poor guy.

Guess I'm not the only one having a bad week.

The hits just keep on coming.

I've thought about it a lot and decided to take the Texas Bar Exam in July.

Then I go to the website to register, and find out that the late filing deadline to register for the Texas Bar Exam in July was March 30th.

I am trying so hard not to absolutely lose my shit.

Normally I'd apologize for the constant pity parties, but I can't even muster up the energy for that anymore.
I am so tired.

Bar Prep

To all the people who left nice comments - thank you. 

To those of you who told me I didn't study hard enough and that I have a drinking problem - get real. 

This is a blog post where I ask for opinions. I'm expecting to get many comments, because you guys LOVE leaving me comments with your opinions when I don't ask for them!

After the initial shock/devastation wore off, I spent a good part of the day on Saturday looking at my score report.
The pass rate for the Illinois bar exam in July of 2010 was about 85%, which is what it generally is. The pass rate for the February 2011 exam was apparently around 70%. Just my freaking luck.
Guess who would have passed if the pass rate had been 85%? Yup.

To add further insult to injury - the exam was scaled much harder this time. I'm not sure if that's normal for the February vs the July exam, but it freaking sucks. In July I got 95 of the multiple choice questions correct, which gave me a scaled score of 121 points on the multiple choice section. I got SIX MORE questions correct this time, and my scaled score was THE EXACT SAME. UNREAL. I also did significantly better on the essays this time. If the tests had been scaled the same way, based on my raw scores I would have easily had the 264 points necessary to pass.





But anyway, as much as the above facts royally SUCK, there's nothing I can do about it now.

I knew several people who failed the July exam. And I even have one friend who unfortunately failed again this time too (poor us, ugh). Except for one we all took BarBri in the summer.

My biggest gripe with the re-take process was that BarBri offered absolutely ZERO guidance as to how to approach re-taking the exam. They literally sent you a new lecture book and that was it. I had several conversations with my friends who were re-taking about what our approach was going to be this time, aka how we were going to do it differently. Some went to the lectures again, most of us didn't. Some concentrated on the harder subjects like secured transactions, commercial paper, etc., some wrote more essays, some did more MBE practice. We were just kind of on our own for trying to figure it out.
I concentrated on practice essays since I didn't do very many of them the first time around. I did much better on the essays this time around, but obviously not well enough.
And to make matters worse, it's not like I did significantly worse on a certain area of law so I can know to concentrate on that. For example, I got 4 out of 5 points on the Evidence essay, but did terribly on the Evidence multiple choice questions. Exact opposite for torts... Got 23/33 of the torts multiple choice questions correct (68th percentile), but somehow managed to only get a 1/5 on the freaking torts essay.  So very frustrating.

No matter whether I take the Illinois or Texas bar, I'm not fooling with BarBri again. Their $3,000 one size fits all approach obviously didn't work for me, so it's time to try something different.

I've done a little bit of research, but I'm not sure what I'm going to use this time.
There are some programs that are geared toward re-takers... did anyone out there fail and then use one of these programs to pass later?

maybe?

Desperate

Failing once is not that big of a deal. It sucked, but I dealt with it and moved on with my life. I think I shed about two tears when I my boss called and asked if I had gotten results.
I knew that I had partied a little too much and didn't study enough. Shit happens, people fail, you take it again, you move on.

This time was different.  I studied more. Way more. I did more practice questions. Way more. I partied way less. I locked myself in the library.
And I still failed.

I cried for basically 8 hours straight yesterday. Then I went to bed.

I am trying to tell myself that things happen for a reason.
I am trying to tell myself that I can handle this.
I am trying to tell myself that this is just a blip on the radar long term.

I desperately wish I was one of those people who just went to law school because they wanted to delay the real world for a couple more years.
I desperately wish I didn't actually want to be a lawyer.
I desperately wish that I hadn't had this interview this week for a job that would have been absolutely perfect for me.
I desperately wish the interview hadn't gone so well.

I desperately wish that this wasn't my life.

The problem with putting it all out there on the Internet is that you have to admit when you fail.

Again.