February bar exam results come out two weeks from today (most likely).
On Wednesday night I had my second dream this week that I got the results and failed again.
And I woke up in a cold sweat.
I want to barf when I think about the possibility of failing again. Actually that's not true... it's not barf that I feel. It's absolute DREAD.
I dread the idea of failing again. I dread the thought of figuring out what the hell I'll do if I fail.
I don't even know what I'll do if I fail.
I know it's "just an exam", and I really handled it that way the first time around. I mean don't get me wrong I thought/said "FML" about a gazillion times since finding out I failed, and it sucked, but I knew/know it was just a minor setback in the long run. I barely cried. I handled it really freaking well. I mean I'm not PROUD of failing the bar exam but it wasn't like the worst thing that ever happened to me.
However... The possibility of failing a second time? That's way past a minor FML setback. It would seriously be the worst thing that could happen to me. As my close friends can attest to, I'm pretty fragile right now. (well... Fragile for me).
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but if I fail again? I'm going to absolutely freaking LOSE IT. like we're talking off the deep end you'll never hear from Zilla again LOSE IT.
I don't even know what I'll do... Move home? Start looking for non legal jobs? In Chicago? Dallas? Pack my shit in a suitcase and move to Aruba?
Two more weeks of bad dreams.