February bar exam results come out two weeks from today (most likely).
On Wednesday night I had my second dream this week that I got the results and failed again.
And I woke up in a cold sweat.
I want to barf when I think about the possibility of failing again. Actually that's not true... it's not barf that I feel. It's absolute DREAD.
I dread the idea of failing again. I dread the thought of figuring out what the hell I'll do if I fail.
I don't even know what I'll do if I fail.
I know it's "just an exam", and I really handled it that way the first time around. I mean don't get me wrong I thought/said "FML" about a gazillion times since finding out I failed, and it sucked, but I knew/know it was just a minor setback in the long run. I barely cried. I handled it really freaking well. I mean I'm not PROUD of failing the bar exam but it wasn't like the worst thing that ever happened to me.
However... The possibility of failing a second time? That's way past a minor FML setback. It would seriously be the worst thing that could happen to me. As my close friends can attest to, I'm pretty fragile right now. (well... Fragile for me).
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but if I fail again? I'm going to absolutely freaking LOSE IT. like we're talking off the deep end you'll never hear from Zilla again LOSE IT.
I don't even know what I'll do... Move home? Start looking for non legal jobs? In Chicago? Dallas? Pack my shit in a suitcase and move to Aruba?
Two more weeks of bad dreams.
Start thinking about what will happen when you DO get your passing scores! Though I think moving to Aruba sounds like a good plan either way.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! hope you passed:)
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that you have passed with flying colors. I hope you're celebrating big time in two weeks. :-) Crossing my fingers and saying a few prayers for your nerves until then!
ReplyDeletePositive affirmations! Good luck and have a huge glass of wine when you pass!
ReplyDeleteThink happy thoughts!! Mix with wine :)
ReplyDeleteOMG, your blog is hilarious! I am sooo excited to have discovered it. I just entered the blogosphere and have been looking for funny law related blogs to read as I'm starting law school this fall, yours is perfect! Excited to be a follower ;)
ReplyDeleteHere's mine if you want to check it out
http://abs-nottooshabby.blogspot.com
Good luck with the bar, I'm sure you did great this time around ;)
I'm SURE you passed and will keep my fingers crossed for you. But if not, packing your shit and moving to Aruba is definitely the way to go. If you're going to go off the deep end, might as well be in a place where you can day drink on the beach with a bunch of rich foreigners, right?
ReplyDeleteIs it bad that I WISH I lived in California so that we could get our scores in like mid-May? I'm terrified. Sending good thoughts your way. They tell me that if we put in the time, we are going to be ok.....one can only hope! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh - you poor thing! I know just how you feel coz I'm a "Type A over-achiever" myself and a control freak as well so I can't ever bear the thought of failing!! So I can totally empathise. Someone did tell me once that it's important in life to fail sometimes, though, as it is how you cope with failure that helps you grow - which you can't if you always get whatever you want easily.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and wishing you lots of luck! I'm sure with the time & effort you've put in this time, it'll make a big difference.
Oh - and thank you for all your lovely comments on Honey's blog! Sorry I don't get to stop by as often as I like - things have been manic lately!
Hsin-Yi
ps, LOVE your new header!
Good luck - I'm sure you will have done very well! :-)
ReplyDeleteyeahhh NY results come back at the end of april/early may and seeing as how I can't pay june rent unless I pass and find a job asap ... I've started planning my escape to the southern hemisphere [the only way to avoid student loans is if my lenders can't find me]
ReplyDeleteI say pack your shit and move to Aruba regardless :)
ReplyDelete