One little blip that caught my eye:
Sociologists traditionally define the “transition to adulthood” as marked by five milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child.
So According to sociologists... I'm only 2/5ths of an adult.
Sometimes I feel like an adult... and sometimes I think this sounds about right.
I may be almost 26 years old with a J.D. living 850 miles away from home, but I think until I am actually financially independent, I won't feel like an adult.
As for marrying and having a child? No... I don't feel like I need those things to be an adult.
But on the other hand my friends who are married and/or have kids certainly seem to lead more "adult-like" lives than I do.... (aka my married friends are more boring than my single friends and party less).
So... what do you think.... are you an adult? Is this a good indicator of adulthood?
I read that article too, and it kind of pissed me off. The idea that these particular (heteronormative) experiences are required stages for full maturation just reflects, to me, a very quaint and limited perspective on life.
ReplyDeleteI get the leaving home and achieving financial independence parts, but the suggestion that marriage and children are essential "milestones" on the path to adulthood is just perverse. Like, what, I'm never going to be an adult if I never get married? I'll be in a state of perpetual teenage-dom if I never have a child--even after menopause? And what of 50 year old women who never marry, but have many other fulfilling relationships in their lives--they aren't mature adults either?
By this logic, the girls on Teen Mom would count just as much as adults as Condoleeza Rice and Oprah. Also, according to this metric, Britney Spears would count as a super-adult (financially independent by age 16, 2 marriages, 2 babies) and yet she is barely capable of feeding herself anything besides frappuccinos and cheetohs.
I'm 25, financially dependent, unmarried, and childless. But like you, I moved about 1000 miles away from home for college and law school, I'm about to become a lawyer (bar exam willing), and I (usually) remember to do grown-up things like pay my cable bill and go grocery shopping instead of just eating nachos and granola bars for dinner. I think that makes me an adult.
I agree with the first 3 but not the 'married and children' aspect. It's an offensive and archaic idea that you have to get married and have the bebies before you can feel like a Real Adult. What if your live-in boyfriend turns out to be a big dbag asshole and you just want to be alone for a long while? I might be speaking from experience here. Our failure to get married because he was an asshole doesn't make me a non-adult! Coming from a small town in the Midwest makes me even more psycho about topics like this. A majority of kids I graduated HS with have 3 bebies now. Three!
ReplyDeleteI am 26, married, a mom, financially independent and do not live with my parents and there are still some days where I do not feel like a "real" adult. So I guess I would have to disagree with those sociologists because even though I've completed their milestones I still have immature moments.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is different and I don't think you can really generalize how and when everyone will "grow up."
I definitely don't agree with the having a child part; one can lead a perfectly child-free life and still be a mature, responsible adult. I think I would amend the marriage milestone to a serious, perhaps live-in relationship. Like you mentioned, married friends are more "adult like" and often party less, but I don't think that's the marriage necessarily, since it often happens a year or so into an adult relationship when you start to settle down more.
ReplyDeleteI certainly think the financial independence is the most important of them all. I have a friend who is married with two children and lives on the opposite coast as her parents... but her parents send her a big check each month to help out the family. I have zero children and don't even live in the same state as my family, but my financial independence makes me feel like much more of an adult than her.
I would say being financially independent is the number one thing. Supporting yourself is more of an indicator to me that someone is an adult rather than how many kids and what color their picket fence is.
ReplyDeleteim in the 2/5ths boat as well. and as we have seen from teen mom, marriage and children do not automatically make you an adult.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with the marriage and child making one an adult....but it's a good indicator. Because doesn't being an "adult" just mean lots of responsibility for one self and how you deal with that responsibility. The financial independence is the biggest in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThanks for calling us married with kids peeps BORING!!! HA!
I too am only 2/5ths of an adult. I do understand how marriage/kids can make a person "feel" more adult though - those are some big responsibilities with big consequences, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI'm 25, married, live thousands of miles away from my family but don't consider myself financially independent because currently my husband is the one who makes money. I'm working on finding employment but it's not easy. Do I feel like an adult? Absolutely not. If anything, most days I still feel like I did when I graduated college. Just living day to day and hoping there's enough money for tomorrow. I think this is the wrong definition of an adult for our generation. We just don't fit that mold anymore and the path we take now to reach these milestones are much more drawn out. Also, marriage is a big commitment but most days neither my husband nor I, feel like it makes us anymore adult than our friends who are not married but who've been together for years.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm 2.8/5 of the way there. Not 100 percent financially independent yet. I still feel like a child. I'd like to think we're taking the more responsible approaching finding out what we want before jumping into major life changing events.
ReplyDeleteI'm 30, and according to this, am 4/5 of an adult. I left home at 19 (does college count, if it's far away?), I've been financially independent since age 22 (college graduation), finished medical school and married at age 27. No children yet. I think the biggest milestone for me was financial independence. This is important to me, and if I ever have children, it's a value I plan to instill (or perhaps enforce is the right word).
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I know I'm an adult, but the fact that I still have to rely on my parents makes it more difficult and it affects some of my life decisions. If they weren't paying for so much then I think I would be able to make more decisions without wondering how mommy and daddy will feel.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about this article last August when I saw it. I'm technically 4/5ths of an adult by that measure, though if I weren't married, I probably wouldn't be financially independent. I just don't make enough and the damned loans are there.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think the "milestones" are dumb.
If marrying and having a child are what makes you an adult, there's at least one hillbilly on Teen Mom that is more of an adult than I am.
ReplyDelete