As I mentioned yesterday/earlier today/what the hell day is it anyway, Elle is being treated for her IMHA with lots of steroids. One of the unfortunate side effects of Elle's* steroid regimen is frequent urination. Which means that I have to make sure I am home when my roommate is not, so that someone can take her out as often as possible. It also has meant that she has wet the bed three times now. Because of course I'm an undisciplined pack leader and let her sleep in the bed with me.
Oh and also? We both sleep like rocks, which means that her bed wetting has been when I was home, and not because she needed to go out and no one was around to take her out, but because she was passed the hell out and didn't wake up, so she peed the bed. Similar to a toddler.
Except not really that similar to a toddler, because if you saw the urine stain I woke up to yesterday/this morning, you would know that no toddler could have made this mess. Yes, Elle Woods pees the bed like a passed out frat boy.
So after doing a bunch of urine soaked laundry and cleaning my mattress with an oxiclean/water mixture and spritzing with vinegar, I went and purchased a plastic mattress protector. Just like any good frat boy would have.
I put it on the bed before I left for the library, but didn't put the sheets on top of it. I had good reasoning for this. I figured if I was lucky Elle would be scared of the noisy plastic and not get on the bed. And even if she got over the noise and peed it would just puddle on the plastic mattress protector and not get sheets dirty again. (I don't have a washer/dryer in my condo. It's a PITA to do laundry).
Came home from the library and SUCCESS! No urine.
Sat down at my desk to study, Elle got up on the plastic covered but sheetless mattress and slept while I studied some more. Then she got up to get another drink. And when I looked at the bed, I noticed that she had peed. No big deal, I'll just wipe it up. Except since the mattress had no sheets over it, when she jumped up on the bed, her nail poked a hole in the new mattress protector. And that hole? Precisely where she laid. And urinated. Meaning that there was a puddle of piss UNDER the mattress protector.
So I had to unzip the freaking plastic (because I'm the idiot that got the protector that zips around the whole mattress. fml), peel it back, and repeat the oxiclean/water/vinegar/fan routine. I'm currently waiting on the mattress to dry so I can zip it back up and put sheets on and go to bed.
And I just patched the hole with electrical tape. Because I am ghetto.
All I can do at this point is laugh.
Also - wanted to say thanks to everyone for the tweets/comments/e-mails, etc. on my last couple of posts. Sometimes I get really weird/idiot/asshole feedback on blog posts and I wonder why the hell I even blog. And then sometimes I get so many great responses that I can't imagine what I'd do without my own little corner of the internet to bitch/share funny stories in. Thanks for helping me down off the ledge.
Now let's get this dog fixed up and get this bar exam over with, how 'bout it?!
*Confession: Sometimes in blog posts I purposely refer to her as Elle instead of Elle Woods because if I'm using her name in the possessive, e.g. Elle's steroid treatment, I don't know if it is supposed to be Elle Woods' or Elle Woods's and no matter which one is correct neither looks right. I iz dumb.